For all the works and days of hands (LOH #178)

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
(from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, along with the title)

t's been a particularly exhausting week, so the new Ladies of Hive question really spoke to me, as it touches on something I've been pondering a fair bit.

We women are known for carrying out several activities at the same time. Somehow we always balance our schedules to accomplish them all, even though sometimes that brings us excessive fatigue. My question is: what do you do when you feel exhausted? How do you regulate your physical, mental and emotional state to be yourself again?

I've been thinking a fair bit about the way in which we women take a lot onto our plates, and somehow juggle it all. Also about the element of self-sacrifice that seems ingrained in womanhood. Because I do think it's a gender-specific thing. Or maybe it's not so much gender-specific as it is society-conditioned? We are thus because it's what was expected? I don't know.

That's not to say men aren't giving or self-sacrificing or that they don't juggle a lot. They do, but in different ways. I've yet to meet a man with the same natural instinct of self-sacrifice. Which is fine to me. I don't ascribe to the mob insisting we're all the same. I think we should be celebrating these little differences between genders without demanding statues, retribution or conformity.

How do you regulate your physical, mental and emotional state to be yourself again?

I go back to base. I downsize my necessities, so to speak.

My yoga, for instance, which I consider very valuable because it brings me back into my body and releases all this ache and stress. It's telling of what a messed-up society we live in, that in busy times, it's precisely these "leisure" activities that are the first to go.

Who has time for this silly nonsense?

It's exactly when you're stressed or tired that you could benefit from stretching out aching muscles. Releasing tension. I was doing my morning yoga a few days ago. It was setting up to be a very busy day, very demanding physically, but I made time. And all of a sudden, I found I was crying. Now, I've been a yogi long enough not to let that surprise me. We tend to store a great amount of tension in our joints, in our bodies, so when we get into intense stretches, it's common for emotion to bubble out.

Which is why I think you need to prioritize "leisurely activities" like yoga when you're going through something. It's emergency care. Even if it's just ten minutes. That's what I meant by downsizing. I try to keep up a 30-45 minute daily practice, as I've recently gotten back into it, and am enjoying it tremendously. But on very demanding days, it's tempting to skip. To say I don't have much time anyway, forget it. And sure, maybe you ain't got 30 minutes that day. But maybe you've got 15. Maybe 10. Even 5 can make a difference, in a pinch.

Another important part of my lifestyle is ensuring some sort of intellectual stimuli. If I'm going through a busy period, that's the one that'll start bugging me earliest. See, I will know I've been neglecting my intellectual input/output (which can be anything - reading, writing, even listening to a podcast), and since that is a core part of how I perceive myself, it's immediately dangerous territory for me. It makes me volatile, sets me on edge.

So when I know tomorrow's gonna be extra-busy, for instance, I set the alarm a little earlier. So I can get in some reading time with my breakfast. Or I put on a stimulating podcast when I'm cooking. That way, I don't get behind on my tasks, but I'm also not falling into that pit.

Lately, for me, life has been a lot about physical work, physical effort, as I'm helping renovate a house. Now, I'm not a princess-y type averse to physical work. I'm quite an efficient worker, actually. That being said, I also cherish my personal care. I'm also quite feminine, so for me, when life's been physically demanding (whether through periods of illness, or intense physical work, house work, etc), I prioritize these tiny things like manicure, waxing, doing a pedicure, oiling my hair, whatever. It's just a part of my existence that I enjoy and that keeps me grounded, that makes me feel like I'm taking care of me, so I always try to set aside some "girly time" even after an exhausting day.

It makes me feel like I'm back on track. Like okay, that work's done now, we're back.

One of the most important lessons of the past few years, for me, has been "when in doubt, reach out". It's a great conundrum that the times we're at our least sociable is when we need people around us most. So one thing I learned that I'm definitely not neglecting again is when I feel I'm caving under pressure, I reach out to a friend or family. It can be brief. Something like a coffee, a short shopping trip, or even a walk around the neighborhood. Just to calibrate, just to recharge.

But then again, who has all that time? Obviously, all of these put together will take up a slice of time you might not have. In that case, I look inward. Figure out which is priority #1 right now, and go from there. Maybe I have 15 minutes for yoga today. Maybe tomorrow, I can find 30 minutes, so I can do both a bit of yoga and a pedicure. I think we get overwhelmed when we start thinking we've gotta handle it all at once. Bit by bit, though, life becomes manageable.

Ladies (and gents), how do you regulate when you're feeling outta sorts?