Kept myself mute for a long time

I remember when I was seven years old, I would often get terrified of speaking in public. As I grew up I have been constantly made fun of about me being thin and introvert. I was bullied many times and was left out most of the times I had no one to take my side even if I was right in my place. I refused to speak in the class room, also refused to give viva. I think just like me most of the people don’t like public speaking. I am not only talking about standing up and giving a speech on a stage. I was very much phobic that I could not handle to speak in my classes at all, even if to say my name during an introduction.

I used to avoid groups which was mostly with friends, social and professional situations which might put me on the spot for a moment. For a few days I just stopped going to my classes when the teachers started calling on students. Whenever there used to be any events that has to do with debate competitions or morning assembly or you can say auditions for a drama or anchoring any type of event, I was very shy that I ducked out of so many opportunities for my own growth and success and that’s all because of my fear. I used to feel guilty and stupid for not taking the chances.

I also thought what if my speech goes wrong and everyone will laugh at me and that would make me feel humiliated. I just did not want anyone to laugh at my faults. Maybe it is one of the main reason which made me stay mute.

I think I did have reasons for my phobia it is mainly rooted in my childhood trauma. To be honest I was very brave in many other areas in my life.

The first changes I made was to take few baby steps. I have learned to believe that no one actually cares about me or what I do. I know how to earn my living with my words and thoughts, I have also learned that it doesn't matter what the world thinks of me because what matters is my willingness what I want to be or what I want to do. Well, at some extent you might never outcome your fears. Even fears are for a good reason which makes you think before you do something it also makes you cautious and encourage you to prepare for something.

I slowly began to confronting this phobia. When I started live stream to play games and at this time my maturity and a commitment came to be a successful streamer. I took all small opportunities to practice and in a short time I grew as a successful gamer and got more comfortable and even confident. I still don’t have the confident of presenting in front of large audiences but I really have practiced very well in talking in front of strangers. So, I might be able to do it if I am given a chance again. In fact, nowadays I enjoy it that I could finally find myself being a bit chatty. It is truly making me feel that I am freeing myself. I wish I could found this method before to overcome my fears much sooner.

I would call this a perpetual fight, fear will sometime punch you hard and you sometimes will have a nice come back. But it will never end so, all you can try to do is most is to overcome your fears and have a good fight till the very end. It’s obvious if you keep looking for a situation one day you can overcome this difficult situation. It’s very hard to find a way for a solution but never give up and look for opportunities. I no longer have fears but I do get very shy during an event when my fans come to take a selfie with me.

THANKS FOR READING💖

About the Author

My name is Haya, I am from Bangladesh, currently I am a student and I started my journey as a content creator in 2019 , Mainly I am interested in gaming, I am a professional Esports player of PUBG MOBILE. I am known as the most famous female player from PUBG MOBILE Bangladesh gaming community. Mask is my identity I do not intend to reveal my face in future that’s why you will see me in mask in every pictures. I have taken interested in HIVE because it’s the best platform for a content creator like me. I also like travelling, photography, drawing, gardening, blogging and many more things I intend to attempt in my free times.

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