Improving on my insecurities. QC prompt #105.

Hello everyone, greeings!

"It is time to jump" said Mr Adams, the sports master. There I was standing at the edge of the platform. Beneath me laid a wide swimming pool staring at me with a clear blue hue. "I.. I can't sir" I replied timidly. My classmates were already screaming in joy and letting go by free jumping into the pool but here I was, sweating, gulping hard and feeling so insecure about myself.

"What if I jumped and fell hard or drowned?"
"What if I couldn't swim well like the others?"
"What if...?" These and many more what if's barged through my mind with reckless abandon putting to shame, my confidence took the back door, leaving me all to myself.

This is just one of the many times that I have felt insecure about myself and my abilities even after much teachings on how to go about carrying out that particular task. It just feels like every nerve cell in my body dries up and I feel drained and can't move a muscle. Self doubt is no stranger to my person as it easily barrages my mind with thoughts of insecurities.

I recall the first time I was to go on stage and sing in church. I rehearsed tirelessly for the d-day, wrote down the lyrics of the song and even got to practice with the instruments so as to understand the rhythm and flow of the songs that I would be singing. A day to the d-day, I was feeling nervous but it was not so severe and so I waved it off but on the set day itself, I woke up with a pit in my stomach. I began to worry about all the things that could go wrong. I worried over my voice texture, I worried over the musicians following the rehearsed script and I worried over my shoes and outfit.

When it was time for me to ascend the stage and perform, I worried over the response of the audience. Sure, they were clapping to encourage me but I was still in doubt. I walked like my legs were made of lead, ever so slowly. How I got the centre of the stage baffled me but I finally stood there, staring back at the sea of eyes that looked like they would drown me at any moment.

One encouragement that my music director gave to me that helped me was that I should go ahead and do it afraid. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and began to sing like there was no one looking and true to his words, I soon forgot all about my insecurities and doubts and performed the song with much gusto that I got the audience vibing to the song and enjoying themselves. That was an eye-opener for me.

The methods that I employ in order to overcome self doubt are not rigorous at all. They are so simple and I will share some of these methods beolow;

Self-motivation and positive affirmations. I talk to myself and gear my consciousness into believing that I am able to accomplish every set task. Speaking affirmations over myself helps me dispel self doubt. Sometimes I do this while staring at myself in a mirror.

Find the root cause and deal with it. This is quite technical especially for those who like to be in denial. I do this by asking myself genuine questions so as to get the root cause of the doubts. "Why I'm I afraid, insecure or doubting myself?" I pay attention to my thoughts and sieve through it in order to get to the real reason and when I do, I cofront the root cause and find peace.

Do it afraid. This was the tip my music director gave to me and I have applied it on several occasions. I also understand that failure is not the end rather I learn new ways to do things and become better.

These methods that I employ to overcome self doubt works and I gladly teach them to others who might find themselves in that shoe.

Thank you all for reading..shalom

Images are mine.