Experience and Life's lessons

Image is mine.

I grew up in a public yard, popularly known as face me, I face you. My family and me, like most other families resident there, occupied a one-room apartment in that yard. Different families with their way of life but then there's this particular family that stood out and how they lived was a life lesson and a wake-up call for me.

The actions of the man and his wife plus his mistress, prompted and formed a theory which has carefully guided my life's decision of being an industrious and a productive woman at such a tender age of say 5.

Here's their story

Let us call the man Oscar, his wife Gladys and his mistress Favor.

Oscar, like every other man ran an average home, he was the caretaker of the compound and he also occupied a one-room apartment.

He had an on and off wife and together, they have four children. Now and then Oscar would go physical on his wife.

For the years we lived in that compound, Oscar was never at piece with his wife. It got to a point that when they start with their troubles, people just ignores them because it became a habit everyone was used to and tired of.

Every time Oscar and his wife falls out of love, she would pack her things, their children and go back to her hometown.

Oscar would bring in his mistress and her child, and they will live together for a while. After sometime, Oscar will make peace with his wife, and she will come back with their children, while the mistress leaves.

At a point, the mistress and the child she had out of wedlock, moved in with Oscar and his family in that one room, and they were living like one big chaotic family. Occasionally, Oscar would make trouble with the mistress but not as much as he had troubles with his wife.

And just when we thought Oscar has changed because for a long time, there were no quarrels with either of his wife or mistress, he struck again. This time around, the mistress already left with her child back to her home base, and we saw Oscar in a mood we have never seen him before as his eyes were blood shot.

We were all home that evening preparing to retire for the night when we heard someone scream.

We all ran out only to see that Oscar and his wife has started again, but this time it was messy. Favour and her children ran from home and we all gave Oscar chance because no one wanted to be a victim of his madness.

Oscar soon burned out when his wife and children were nowhere to be found and we saw some kind of remorse as he started crying and asking, “where my wife and children? Who see my wife?” (where is my wife and children? Who saw my wife). He started calling on his children one by one, but they were too scared to come out.

After that experience, by the break of dawn, Gladys borrowed money from some neighbors and went back to her hometown with her children never to return. This gave room for the mistress to move in permanently with her child.

With Favor, we saw a different Oscar, he became a responsible man. Favor was a hairstylist and Oscar opened a Salon for her at the front the compound.

One day a neighbor asked Oscar why he settled with Favour instead of making things work with his wife Gladys whom he has 4 children with it.

In Oscar's defense, he responded, "with Favour, I get to come home to a rich and tasty home cooked meal, she also does not bother me with petty expenses as she takes care of that. In summary, Favour gives me peace of mind unlike my wife Gladys, whose always asking me for money and does nothing around the house but be concerned of her physical appearance."

As young as I was, I saw them living so happily together, but not for long, as Favor soon became pregnant for Oscar and she could no longer keep up with her Salon business. She packed up eventually and became a full-time housewife, just like Gladys was.

Soon, Oscar started again with bad habits of making troubles with Favour and the marriage unbearable, we had Gladys happening all over again.

After several years, we all moved out of the compound and when I became an Adult, I saw Favor. She came with some young boys to drink and smoke at the hotel I was managing.

She looked so old and frail and when she saw me, she was shocked. I could see how her eyes widened as she rushed to give me a hug.

“Hey! See my daughter o”, she screamed happily as she held on to me so tight. She kept calling out my name and telling the young boys she was with that I and her daughter used to be good friends, and we lived together in the same compound.

After exchanging pleasantries, I asked about Oscar and she started narrating her ordeal.

“Hmmmmm… Ese! Nor be small thing o, Oscar leave me run go back to him wife because their children dun dey work, dey make money. He abandon me with 6 children, thinking say my life go spoil but see me now, I dey shine”.

(Hmm mm.... Ese! It wasn't easy, Oscar abandoned me to go reunite with his wife and their children because they are now grown and are doing financially well. He thought my life will be ruined but take a good look at me, I am shining and doing just fine)

I took a critical look at her, I could see she was just trying to mask her struggles. Favor use to be charming and it broke my heart seeing how much being dependent on a man caused her.