Experience is the best teacher.
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When Loveth came and told us about Timothy's intention to marry her, I cringed and tried my possible best to talk her out of it. But she wasn't having it.
“This man is still very much married to his wife, that she moved out of the house does not mean they are divorced, they are just separated” I said to Loveth with so much concern.
“My dear the marriage has ended, aside the children they have nothing to do with each again” Loveth replied me with assurance.
“Ok if you say the marriage has ended, has he collected his bride price from her kinsmen or divorced her officially in court?” By this time I was already feeling irritated by her ignorance.
As I fired Loveth with several other questions to get her to be in her senses and not be played, she started picking offense and said the man told her he has informed the woman's people of their separation and a date has been fixed for collection of brides price.
“Make sure you see evidence or proof that truly the estranged wife's bride price had been returned.” I responded to her.
I continued: “How about the court marriage, what is he saying concerning an official divorce?”
“Oh he said it doesn't matter that after he pays my bride price, we will go to another state for our court wedding, and that will automatically nullify the one he has with his wife so he doesn't need to divorce her directly.” Loveth said to me as a response to my question.
Believe me, I was shocked to this discovery as I have never heard anything like that before in my entire life.
With the little knowledge I have on Marital law, I told her he cannot marry her in court without first divorcing his wife, unless he wants to get arrested as bigamy is a crime.
I explained everything to her, but she was bent on not taking anything that I have to say.
It's even worse because the man in question is a lawyer, so why should she listen to me that is not one?
You know, Loveth is a lady we met at our place of worship, who comes from the same tribe with my mother so we bonded, and we became family friends.
Timothy, on the other hand, was my mom's office colleague and best friend, he is also the one who introduced the religion we practice to my mother, and he's been wonderful to her all through their years of working together.
Despite all of us attending the same place of worship, Loveth and Timothy did not meet themselves as they met through my mom.
Immediately Timothy saw Loveth, he started pushing to marry her because at the time, him and his wife were separated.
“Did you ask him why his wife left?” I continued with my question and answer section.
“Yes I did”, Loveth responded.
“What did he tell you?” I inquired again.
“He said the wife is a cheat. Hence he sent her packing”. She replied me sounding so sure of the allegation.
I laughed because that was far from the truth.
Timothy use to be the ideal partner, for starters he saw his wife through school. After she graduated and started working, he developed a very disturbing attitude that sets the wife's teeth on the edge.
He stopped taking care of the home up to the children school fees as everything was dumped on the wife to handle.
When she complains of the financial burden being too much on her, Timothy will yell, I trained you in school, provided a roof over your head so it's your duty to take up the financial burdens while I rest.
They continued like that for several years until the wife reached her breaking point and moved out.
After my careful explanation to Loveth, thinking she would have a rethink and abort the mission, she insisted that the wife was an adulteress and that's why she was sent out of her marriage.
At this point, I knew engaging Loveth any further will be a complete waste of my time which might lead to ugly confrontations, so I just let her run with whatever makes her sleep well at night.
Fast-forward now, Loveth and Timothy got married. First week of their marital bliss, I bumped into Loveth at her Chemist cooking outside in a small pot and camp gas.
While I sat close to her, watching her cook in such uncomfortable situation, I was shocked because she ought to have cooked the food at home and even in a larger pot as per a family woman.
"Are you that choked up with work that you couldn't cook at home, besides why are you cooking a small pot, will the food be enough for you and your husband?" I queried.
She gave me a frustrated look, then proceeded to hitting the spoon severally on the edge of the pot to let out the food content on the spoon into the pot.
With both hands at akimbo, still holding on to the spoon, she took in a deep breath and what followed next was series of complaints on how Timothy deceived her. The house and landed property he had claimed to have transferred ownership to her was a lie.
“Can you imagine he still communicates with his wife, and she comes to the house?” Loveth complained bitterly with teary eyes.
“Imagine her telling me she contributed heavily to the building of the house I now live in with Timothy, I felt so stupid and used. I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life.” She continued almost in tears.
“The Court marriage he mentioned that we will have, he refused going through with it. He told me he's no longer with his wife, they are divorced, but he refused to collect the bride price from her people. Worst still, he doesn't even give me money for anything. I run the house activities from the proceeds of my Chemist”.
As Loveth lamented bitterly I just kept mute and waited for her to finish. Without contributing towards anything she has said, I dusted my behind and told her I will be taking my leave.
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I like what you did. What would you have said that you hadn't already said?
What sort of love or desperation was going on with her?
She should dance to the tune of the music she played or look for a solution herself. You tried how best you could.
Ah! You can't just advice people in love😂
At all my sister. Nothing else to say as she was already learning from experience
Omo, this was a lot of drama for your life and that of your friend.
Questionable divorce? Rushed Marriage? Not doing her due diligence despite your warnings? Only to realize she had been played? You did the right thing by leaving and saying nothing.
I am sure she thought you would say something so that it would look like you are mocking her with, "I told you so". I don't want to insult her if not I would have said, the best answer to a fool is silence. (I did not call her a fool o 😂)
As for you, you should get an honorary degree in marital law or at least run one crash course for spotting red flags... Lol
Lmaoooo... my dear she deserves to be called such o because this lady has been broadcasting my mother and I that we did her dirty letting her to marry Timothy 😂. Human beings are something else I swear.
For the Marital law and spotting red flags, me that have sworn to no longer be dishing out advice for free? because severally the people don't value it.
That is a sad story, @bipolar95. It would seem that Loveth deserved the bad ending, but love is blind. People often persuade themselves of a truth that doesn't exist.
You do a good job of describing the frustrating attempts to persuade Loveth that she is making a mistake. We are frustrated as readers, also, because the sad ending was predictable.
Thank you for sharing this with us, @bipolar95
You are welcome 🙂
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People who want to take advantage of us abound in this world and if it is in the field of love, it is much more likely that they want to take advantage of us in the name of love. The girl learned her lesson the hard way.
Happy day.
which is quite pathetic given the circumstances. Thank you for stopping by 🌹
If only Loveth had listened to you earlier on, all of these would have been avoided, it's good you took your leave. Let her dance to the music.
😂😂😂I think I need to buy you one bottle of Goldberg for keeping quiet at loveth.... because why not, when you were telling her about Timothy, she was deaf ears... please let her enjoy the music a little
Hahaha. I love how you took your leave without saying anything to her. Truly, loveth deserved that. She could have listened to you from the onset but allowed love to cloud her mind to see the signal all along.
But wait, my question is that is it possible to ask for bride price from your wife's family after divorce? I don't think such is practiced in Yoruba tribe though.
#dreemerforlife
What a fool 🤣 😂! So, Loveth would now claim to have been blinded by love??? She should be enjoying her marriage to Timothy oooo.
#dreemerforlife
It's good she learnt from her stupid mistakes and I'm sure she's wiser now.
Hopefully 😂