Expressive - LOH #204

The prompt on Ladies of hive from @ifarmgirl is….

A husband told his wife that he wishes her to say “okay” and “yes” to whatever he says to avoid further discussions or arguments. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Would you agree and nod to everything, even when it is against your will or feelings? Please share your thoughts.

This prompt brings back lot of memories for me, if there's one thing I have come to realize is that Love is not pain and to me, Love is not tolerance.

If I express my disapproval to what my partner does that doesn't go down well with me, I expect him to put effort into improving things.

You know it's straightforward to tell women to be submissive, every man in my environment wants a submissive wife while taking away the factor of love and respect.

I was telling someone that, when the bible asked women to be submissive to their husbands, It also asked men to LOVE THEIR WIFE. It makes sense because with love, submission comes naturally.

I know for a fact that if you love someone, you'd definitely treat the person how you want to be treated, with respect.

We all know that men hate to be shushed, ridiculed and taken for granted, so why is it ok for a woman to be silenced by her partner? One thing some of these men fail to understand is that marriage is not a slave and master affair, it is partnership because it takes two to work.

Always preaching to a woman to submit and never to the man to love and respect will only convert the wife to a slave.

Instead of a woman saying yes sir to everything to avoid further arguments, why not the man put his ego aside and actually listen to communicate? That will solve the problem and expel any build up tension.

I have had my own fair share of controlling men. As a stubborn woman, the first thing these men try to do is trample on my self-esteem and make me feel worthless. Wait…. Am I really stubborn? Naah, looking at it again, it's not stubbornness but self-defense.

What recently ended one of my relationship was that my partner was always bullying me because of my Facebook activities.

The thing is, we've had a history of a somewhat slave master relationship. First problem was trust issues, he's always wanting me to explain myself.

The first few years of that relationship were hell but as usual, the woman instinct to always want to change a badly behaved man was strong in me.

Whenever he hurt my feelings, I'd always communicate and express my displeasure. It wasn't easy, but he adjusted. We trashed the trust issues, then came gaslighting.

He wanted to control my Facebook activities and expect me to post in ways that are pleasing to him and his friends. Yeah, his friends follow me on Facebook too.

You know, Facebook is a place where I live my truth, it's a place I express myself with words and make people see the world through my mind's eye.

Severally this man will insult me, ridicule me and then end it by saying I want the best for you.

When he started using words like nobody will ever love you like I do, I started planning my exit because I know what love is, I see what love is and no way it's what that man showed me.

I started posting whatever he wanted me to post and responded to comments how he wanted me to respond. But at a point, I reverted to my old ways and when he will bring screenshots of my activities that he disapproves of, I panic.

One minute we are having our moments, the next minute I'm being bullied because I commented in a certain way that is not pleasing to him.

One day, this man whom I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with legit told me that no reasonable man will take me seriously after coming across my Facebook page.

To him, I'm fooling myself on Facebook but to me, I'm creating connections and building a voice for Nigerian women.

Before I made up my mind to finally abandon ship, I asked some of my Facebook friends privately about my social media activities, and they said it's ok, my methods of communicating might be a bit too strong, but that's just how truth come off sometimes.

Whenever he sends me screenshots of posts he wants me to take down, I'd send to random men and women whom I have seen to be just in their judgement, and they won't see anything wrong with the post.

The bullying continued and got worse when I became jobless. I got exhausted and really irritated one day that I shut him up with a stir warning not to ever disrespect me again. He kept quiet, he became so cold.

Next he said was, you are disrespecting because I'm advising you to be better? I am talking to you and you are raising your voice at me? No problem, he ended the call. I thought it was our usual quarrels until I tried communicating with him and he told me we were through.

I adjusted my crown, raised my chin and continued life as a single woman with my shoulders held high. Furthermore, I have never been happier.

Recently, he tried gaslighting me again and accused me of ending us. I just blocked him on WhatsApp. Now, I notice him stalking on Facebook, he will soon be blocked there too.

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