Motherhood Greatest Lesson | Addressing Personal Dysfunctions As A Mother (LOH #184)

Mother's Day is approaching this Sunday, and like many moms, I'll share my thoughts on it. This post is my entry for this week's Ladies of Hive Community Contest #184, hosted by @trucklife-family. Among the three questions provided, I've chosen question #3:

Motherhood is both rewarding and challenging. What has been one of your greatest lessons since becoming a mother?

👩‍👧‍👧 Greatest Lessons Since Becoming A Mother 👩‍👧‍👧

In my view, being a mother is the toughest job imaginable. It consumes every aspect of my life to the extent that sometimes it feels suffocating. Over my 14 years as a mother, I've learned countless lessons, and the learning never stops. With each stage of my children's lives, I find myself needing to evolve to meet new parenting challenges.

Patience, sacrifice, perseverance, love, hard work, and more - these are all invaluable lessons I've learned along the way. However, in my opinion, these lessons pale in comparison to the greatest one I've encountered as a parent - addressing personal dysfunctions as a mother.

👩‍👧‍👧 Addressing Personal Dysfunctions As A Mother 👩‍👧‍👧

Motherhood is an amazing journey, filled with joy, love, and fulfillment. However, it also comes with its share of challenges, and sometimes, our own unresolved issues can affect how we parent. Our personal struggles can have long-lasting effects, impacting not only our own well-being but also that of our children. When my children were very young, I didn't fully grasp the seriousness of these issues. Let me explain further below.

In this post, I share my struggle to overcome my Avoidant Attachment style. Avoidant Attachment (AA) style is one of the four main attachment styles identified in attachment theory, a psychological framework that explores how people form and maintain relationships based on early interactions with caregivers. People with an avoidant attachment style typically avoid closeness and intimacy in relationships, often because of inconsistent or emotionally distant parents or caregivers during infancy and childhood. People with this attachment style have a higher risk of developing mental issues in later years.

As someone with AA style, I tend to withdraw when I feel uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy. I may feel suffocated by affection and perceive it as clingy or needy. I don't intentionally do this to people; it happens subconsciously.

But how does this behavior affect my children? Children are observant and often mimic our behaviors. Over the years, I believe my children have seen and copied my actions and attitudes. I may inadvertently pass this dysfunction down to my children like an unwanted inheritance.

They may struggle to feel emotionally connected or supported, feeling neglected or unimportant because I prioritize independence over emotional connection. As a result, they may have difficulty trusting others and forming secure attachments. They may also believe that expressing emotions or seeking support is a sign of weakness, leading them to suppress their own feelings and needs. This could make it hard for them to form deep, meaningful connections in the future, as I do.

As I mentioned, I wasn't aware of this issue until about four years ago. Since then, I've been actively working on fixing my behavioral patterns to break the chain of intergenerational dysfunction and create a healthier relationship with my children. This involves a lot of hard work and can be painful as I confront my demons. It's a challenging journey, but I recognize it as an essential investment in my children's well-being and future.

That's it for now. If you read this far, thank you. I appreciate it so much! Kindly give me a follow if you like my content. I mostly write about making art, life musing, and our mundane yet charming family life here in Klang Valley, Malaysia.

Note: All images used belong to me unless stated otherwise.

Thank you for visiting and reading my post. I hope you like it!