My Cringe Moment In Highschool

8 months ago

Back in my secondary school days, I admired a girl who probably was the most beautiful girl in my class. The only barrier to asking her out was that I was a shy boy, never being around a lady, so I needed the momentum that would fuel my confidence. My inner mind told me she loves me, from the way she looks at me- yes, I know I was handsome, and a bit more brilliant than 75% of the class, but I wasn't the only one with this advantage. The only thing I wished would come true for me was that we become friends, but even so, I shy away from striking a conversation with her beyond the regular greetings.

Back in my hostel, I told a few friends my feelings for her. They tried to motivate me with all they could, but the motivated spirit doesn't go past my hostel. Once I see her, the spirited me shrinks to the shy/timid me.
"Another day" I tell myself as I withdraw to my comfort. All the books I read, the articles I browse on the net, the practices I go through at night become fruitless. A friend of mine noticed this and decided to set me up and I fell for it, till date I wish I never took the step. And this is what happened.

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He came back from school one afternoon and told me he spoke to this same girl I admire. According to him, he saw love in her eyes and she was eager to meet me. He told me he had scheduled that we meet in the evening before prep. I went and waited for her that evening but she didn't show up. I was glad she didn't, because I wasn't sure if I was prepared to speak to a lady. But that guy wouldn't rest. He came back from class one evening and told me he had finally told her my feelings for her and it would be a big slap if I don't man up and speak to her. All my friends agreed it would be a disgrace to me and my friends if I don't speak up after the cat has been let out of the bag. Within me I knew I wasn't prepared to go, but for the sake of my friends I decided it was that evening or never.

I read all the journals, practiced some few lines, arranged my flows, and picked a few picked up lines that would help me stand out. Hahaha, the funny thing is, I never used any of them. The only thing I remember saying is that "I dream about you, now tell me if you love me, or do you want to think about it?". Before you judge my Incapacity, it took me more than extra energy to even stand before her, my legs were shaking and I could barely speak. The big shock came when she said "I don't need to think, my answer is NO". Suddenly the weather became cold, I didn't know what to say next, I didn't even practice for a No. The next thing I heard myself saying is " let's be friends" I stood there unable to walk as she went to join her friends who chuckled after she had related something to them. I was embarrassed, but I lied to my friends that she responded positively, while they rain praises for my confidence, only I knew I fucked up.