Don't Wait... And Other Lessons for Young Girls | LOH #171

I don't know that I'm in any position to speak to young women of my generation or any other. Then why am I doing it? When I saw this week's Ladies of Hive theme,

What would you like to say to young women today, what advice would you give them?

...it sparked something in me. I certainly wouldn't qualify it as advice, but as soon as I read the question, I knew I wanted to write a bit about my own general findings going through life as a young woman. Things that, maybe, I would've liked another woman to tell me, when I was younger.

And so, the first thing I'd say to young women today is don't wait. One discovery that's been extremely resonant for me is that, your life is a continuum. That all the things you may aspire to be, like a great mother, a good wife, a strong career woman, all these things have already started. Even if you're single, without kids, and jobless at the moment.

We tend to think "when X moment comes, I will take on the role of Y". Except not really. That's just when you sign the papers, you've already taken certain roles. For any young woman who hopes to someday become a mom, the journey's already started, and takes into account everything.

The company you keep, the choices you make in your romantic life, the attention you pay yourself, your past, your trauma, and your value system... all of these things will eventually impact what kind of mom or wife you are. Career-wise, it's just the same, though I think there, we're slightly more aware of it. We know that the professional choices made today will affect our career tomorrow. Why shouldn't it be the same in our personal life, then?

I'd also say pay attention to and don't be swayed by social stigma. I think that over the past few generations, the "big" stigma has shifted drastically. Now, being a woman isn't regarded so much as the disadvantage it was once considered. I think more of today's stigma targets being single. I see that as a problem in my own life, and that of my young female friends. And I think it's interesting to keep an eye on.

With all this excessive dating technology, it becomes almost a crime to be on your own, and I think it's daunting for a lot of young women, who conclude that there must be something defective about them, in some way, if they're not partnered up.

I think it's worth remembering that being single now is seen as a drawback, much as being a woman was 30 years ago. And I always remind myself well, if those women had accepted society's judgment of them as lesser, where would we be? The only judgment that matters is your own, because it's the only one that can really hold you back.

Another think I think a lot of young women are swindled on is this "single and fabulous" lifestyle, which I don't really believe in. I recently read [a very nuanced take](What would you like to say to young women today, what advice would you give them?) on the matter, with the author debunking both the "childless" (where not having children is a plight) and the "childfree" (the mirage that skipping parenthood will award you some fabulous, surreal lifestyle) narratives.

I think a lot of young women are being told that being a mother is a disappointment, a mistake, and a way of bowing down to the patriarchy. I think not being a mom is fine if it's aligned with your own personal desires, values, and emotions. But certainly don't bow out for fear of what your equally clueless young friends might say.

As the old saying had it, don't throw out the baby with the baby water. Quite literally, in this case. Just because motherhood is no longer women's only goal doesn't mean it should cease being a goal entirely. I think there's great joy and a great nobility in being a mother that is now unrecognized by the modern "career woman", and I think young women should pay attention to the choices they make. Make sure it's them choosing, not an external narrative.

Finally, speaking of the narrative, learn to embrace your feminine side, and dance with your inner goddess. 'Cause you (and those you love) are fucked, if you don't. While the masculinity crisis is more evident in our pop culture, I think we're also traversing a serious moment of uncertainty as women. In a perverse way, being feminine and embracing that natural womanly side of yourself is now perceived somehow as weak, again bowing to the patriarchy, or perhaps using your sexuality and your "charms" to get ahead.

I don't think being feminine means any of that. But there are a lot of resources in your feminine energy (like care and intuition) to tap into and hone as you go through life. Just like there are in your masculine energy (like assertiveness and courage).

Don't let a still-developing society trick you into going through life bereft of one or the other.

Anyway, that's probably enough wisdom for one day :)