The Feeling is Weird

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It has been months since I reached out to my friends and shared intimate moments with them. Now, when I think about it, it is no wonder I keep feeling like I have these tiny bits of load to unpack somewhere.

You see, as friends, we’ve grown to become so therapeutic for one another in the way that we interact. We created that safe place to talk about anything and everything unfiltered. Our friendship is that soft cushion you just want to throw yourself on after a long day.

Sadly, my life has been devoid of these cherished moments lately.

I have been feeling off lately and it often takes some personal Ted talks and reassurances every day that I can go through the day again all by myself. I have physical strength but most times I feel mentally drained. I used to have this somewhat talking, highly interactive, and stimulating conversation with my friends that helped us see clarity.

We share a lot in common and those late laidback conversations made us feel like we weren’t alone in this game called life. It helped us reaffirm our goals and positions and it made all the weight so light on our shoulders. We would stay talking for hours, laughing, taunting and just enjoying the company and warmth that every Individual brought.

I’m not even sure what happened but if we’ve had as much fun as I remember, why did it suddenly go to dust?

I am also not sure who I’m asking this question but it feels right to get it off my lips. We didn’t stop talking but we just stopped having intimate conversations. We are almost becoming strangers who have a rich history and it feels so weird.

Maybe life just happened and we’ve all gotten busy. I know I get busy but it doesn’t mean that I can’t pop in a “Hey, watchu doing?”

I wonder what it is on their end. I could just pick up the phone right now and ask but I feel like I do not have the strength to go through the emotional turmoil of having to address the elephant in the room. It might take a lot of uncomfortable silences, heartbreaking revelations, and even tears. I do not think I am ready for that just yet.

In the meantime, I am just going to keep self-soothing until I am in the best mental state to face it all.

Thank you @cautiva-30 for this week's prompt. It’s helped me vent, realize, and admit many things that I’ve shoved away until now.