It's easy to be happy when you do not have to bother about paying your fees and catering for your every need as an adult. But when you get to the point where you know if you do not figure out a way for yourself no one will give you a penny. It's worse when there are a lot of expectations from you and it is at this point you know that life indeed is serious and must be handled seriously. At this point, it's easy to lose your joy especially when you do not know where the next meal or cash would come from. It gets harder when others are in the picture and you have the responsibility of providing for them. You get to find out that meeting your needs is difficult talkless sharing for two or more.

Image by wayhomestudio on Freepik

Been in this position a lot of times. The last time I felt like crying was when everyone around me was telling me their problems and I couldn't tell mine. I was trying to be there for everyone while I broke down in private. Some went as far as trying to guilt trip me into thinking I was not doing enough and it was at that point I couldn't hold it in any longer. I became tired of hearing everyone complain about the things they don't have, I became tired of hearing everyone trying to make me solve problems I never created and wasn't even in the capacity to solve. I went sober and wished I could just run away from the whole torment. But in all my soberness I looked at how far I have come. I thought about a year ago when no one would come to me for the things they were now asking for because they knew that even if the gates of hell were turned upside down, I was too useless to solve their problems.

Now I have stepped up, I have become better, the expectations of me are now high, and I am mandated to deliver. I wanted to be weak, I wanted someone to pity me as I had been doing for others, but there was no one. So the only comfort I could find was remembering how far I had come. I remembered those times when all hope was lost, and immediately I became grateful to God seeing clearly that I am not suffering, but instead, I'm stepping up. It was then I told myself this too would pass. To be sincere I have very few people in my life that I can break down in their presence and they will care to listen with much compassion. They are no more than two, but they are a blessing to me.

Image by freepik

Ever since I started hustling for myself, I've always loved to take comfort in my little wins. They are what motivate me to keep pushing and be happy despite it all. Yesterday I saw myself getting sad again with everything currently going on around me, so I took my phone and started scrolling through over 500 topics I've written on Hive. I saw the times when I wrote Posts that generated nothing, and again I'm reminded of how far I have come, How much I have grown and how well I have become. Troubles would never be over, as we keep progressing, they keep increasing. I like to take comfort in my little wins, celebrating myself because I know others may forget to, but I owe myself happiness and must find a way to be happy.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 120 EPISODE 1