DEPRESSION IS REAL

A lot of people who say they are depressed are just dealing with financial issues. This is not me looking down on their predicament or saying they shouldn't feel the way they do. This is just me saying it's okay to feel sad that you don't have money, the sadness may be deep, but it's not depression especially because the mood will eventually change when money comes. A person who is depressed doesn't need money but rather needs people because they are suffering in isolation. Such people do not feel the need to have anyone around, at that point nothing makes sense out of life.

I know this because I've been there. Depression is the point you get to in life where you feel abandoned, neglected, and dejected by your own self, a point where you feel others look at you the way you see yourself. It's a point you get to and start questioning your very existence. And the truth is at this point your actions tend to annoy people around you and if they are not patient with you and try to help instead of castigating you, you could drown in depression. The thing with depression is that it's almost like heartbreak. Especially when it comes from someone you truly love. It doesn't just go away because someone else shows you love. You can love the love the person shows you and still end up hurting from the love you lost. It just gets better with time. Chances are that you might even hurt the heart that loves you because you are still hurt by the one who broke up with you.

I remember at a point in my life, I was happy even though I didn't have much, I was contented with what I had, and was striving to make ends meet until one day my mother sent me a very heartbreaking text telling me how disappointed she was with me and how that I wasn't doing enough. In her text, she made it clear that I was wasting my time doing everything I was doing to survive because if I couldn't conveniently take care of my family then I'm as good as useless. I don't want to go into details of the entire text, but after reading it, it hit me like a brick wall, at first I just cast it aside, but soon I couldn't get it off my mind. Before I knew it I was thinking about all the sacrifices I've had to make for my family and how I still do my best for them despite not having a proper job while in school then.

Slowly I started seeing myself as useless and started acting in accordance. Nothing was making sense to me again, but most of all at that point it wasn't about the money, so even if I got a million dollars I felt it would never be appreciated. I never said a word to my mother after reading her text message, I couldn't even find the words to reply to her. I gradually started losing interest in school, Church, and everything that gave me a sense of joy and purpose. I would leave my house at very awkward hours and just start walking on the road. I would walk for hours thinking about how useless I was. It was in the rainy season that period and I would walk in the rain shedding tears because I knew no one would notice.

At one point I wouldn't be able to sleep without taking a walk, by the time I had walked for hours I would be so tired and just come home to sleep. My roommate noticed my recent attitude and was slowly trying to penetrate my mind by bringing up a discussion each time he saw I was preparing for a walk. One day he told me “Kelvin you are depressed, what is truly going on?” It was then I realized that I would always go back to that text before taking a walk so I showed him and that was when he ensured I deleted it. From there he started helping me to forgive my mother and call her to just greet her. I then started seeing how much I was hurt and was unable to speak which had led to my depression. I knew I was better when I started flowing with my mum again after that incident. I'm glad I had a friend who was ready to help me overcome depression. We aren't living together anymore, but are still very good friends.

ALL PICTURES ARE MINE

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 107 EPISODE 1