HOLD IT IN

For a very long time, I got used to holding things in and not reacting or reciprocating negative attitudes. First, it started as a thing of fear, then it became a habit that has saved me a great deal. Okay if I am going to be honest here, although it has saved me a lot of time, there have also been negative results from it. A lot of people tend to take me for granted and think so little of me when I don't speak out or let them get away with whatever they did to me. It still baffles me how people would intentionally wrong you and still expect that you treat them right. I believe these people know very well what they are doing and love the feeling of intimidating others.

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For me, I do not keep quiet out of fear and if there's anything I fear at all it is the consequences of any action I will take for that reason I choose to let them think of their smart way of getting away with whatever they did and sometimes find a way to subtly pay them back. I always find myself thinking very deeply, so be sure before you see me do anything. I have thought about it countless times, processed it in my head, looked at all the variables and come to the conclusion that I will be satisfied with whatever result comes from that decision. Now you understand why I would hold back on things. The majority of the time whoever I am allowed to do their nonsense isn't worth my time plus there are those I just can't imagine myself arguing with for example my younger siblings from my sister down…

Some time ago my younger sister @toryfestus shared a story on her blog and reminded me of the first time I had to beat her. It was when we were still children and were dragging for who would take control of the remote system. She has always been the outspoken kind of person and was ready to fight me for the remote control thinking she could beat me. She hit me a lot of times and I would reciprocate and hit her too, but I ignored her every punch until she hit me on the head with a mopping stick. For peace's sake, I ignored her until our mother returned and reported the issue and that was when our mother did something that surprised even me. She asked that we fight fist-to-fist while she stood as the referee. This was my golden chance to finally unleash my anger, and I did that without hesitation and with lots of joy but later pitied my sister after she fell sick from my hands.

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Those times taught me to always control my anger even when I was at liberty to unleash it. Years passed and I carried this same attitude into the higher institution. On a fateful day, the boys were talking in the hostel and it turned into an argument. I can't remember what exactly the issue was, but one of the boys had issues with what I said and was overreacting to it to the point he slapped me openly. Everyone was expecting I would retaliate but to be honest I never even felt like doing so. I had stopped arguing at the point he was beginning to take the discussion too seriously until he slapped me. I just looked at him but couldn't imagine myself stopping so low to exchange blows with him. Worse, I can't imagine people trying to separate a fight that I was in. I felt I was too much for that so I walked away. Since then the guy couldn't look me in the eye and we never spoke after that incident plus I gained a lot of popularity for my actions that day. I guess it was my pride at play, but even my pride wanted peace.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 119 EPISODE 2