I REMEMBER THE TOUGH TIMES
It feels like it was just yesterday when Life dealt treacherously with me. On many occasions, I would walk 20 km, sometimes up to 35 km because I didn't have money for transportation and was too proud to beg. With my pride, I couldn't sit in one place because I was limited in finance. I have trekked so much that I still feel the effects to date. I never knew stress ulcers were real until recently when I started feeling their effect whenever I trekked. But I would be lying if I said that was the toughest point of my life because truth being said, at a young age I faced a lot of life-threatening challenges that have made me stronger, I look back at the things I cried for some years back, and I see how those things have made me approach life challenges differently.
Imagine crying because I hadn't eaten for two days, but the time came when I might eat twice a week, and I wouldn't mind, not because I wasn't hungry or I lost my appetite, but because I learned to adapt. I look back at those times and see how far I have come, but yet I do not count them as the toughest point of my life. I have shared the story here before, and I'm quite certain it's not a story that can be forgotten easily because of all the mistakes I have made, it will stick with me for life. It's never easy when you are betrayed subtly over and over again because you chose to love the wrong person. It's more painful when those you would give your life for, wouldn't even move an inch for you. For the purpose of those visiting my blog for the first time, I will throw some light on the story, and for those who have read it before, well you will read it again 😂.
It's been two years already since I was dating a girl while in my final year. Remember I spent 8 years doing a five-year course, well I was finally in my finals and my girlfriend (now ex) told me she was pregnant. I was scared out of my bones but I decided I wouldn't leave her nor the baby to suffer the mystery of life. I had a mouthwashing opportunity that I was about to turn down from a very popular oil firm in Africa because I wanted to finish my education (Remember I was sponsoring myself). The thought of her and the baby made me decide to take the bull by the horns and drop out, but then she gave me the biggest blow of my life when she said she wasn't keeping the baby.
She knew how much I loved her, and everything I was ready to do, but she made up her mind to tell me there was nothing I could do about it. And I must give her the money for the abortion. I thought I could convince her until she threatened to take her life if I let her have the baby. She later told her mum about it and both began to mount heavy pressure on me. Did I mention that she is a pastor's daughter, and a mother, a pastor's wife, who would see her daughter do such knowing full well my intentions and capacity to take care of her and the baby? I finally let them have their wish by sending her the money for the abortion, she did it, and after a week called me that she was still pregnant.
We confirmed it from the doctor that did the abortion and the doctor said it was so because she was carrying twins which the scan did not reveal. The doctor advised that she keep the pregnancy as she had just come under the knife a week ago, but on reaching home, she and her mother began to mount another pressure on me for a second abortion. There was nothing I didn't do, but they wouldn't hear my plea until I gave them the money for another abortion. When it was finally over I was heartbroken knowing they had ruined my chances of becoming a father because of their selfish ambition. I later discovered that they opted to remove the pregnancy because she was still seeing her ex-boyfriend.
It was hard to look at her again after everything, I had no choice but to end everything seeing the kind of family she had and their influence on her. After the breakup, I later discovered she had lost her womb in the second abortion and couldn't tell me because I warned her about it. She tried so much for us to get back together but after I discovered everything and she admitted them, she no longer had the face to beg for my forgiveness again. Last week I was shocked to see her in My house looking so unkept, it was clear she needed help but I guess she couldn't summon the courage to ask after she saw my sister who by the way would have ensured she had her pound of flesh.
My relationship with her became an eye-opener for me, especially in the issues regarding love. The lady I met after would have played me even worse than she did if I had not noticed the red flags on time. I guess I'm at fault for always loving the wrong people and giving all. It's who I am though, what is my love then if I can not give it all. However, I have learned never to ignore the red flags and ensure I look out for proof of whatever love anyone claims to have for me before giving myself over. I also crossed my heart never to change because someone wasn't deserving of the love I showed, but instead, keep on showing love until the love met the right person. And when it does, there would be more to give.
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 101 EPISODE 2
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Mmm, I’m literally shocked and speechless
Damn, you trusted a lady? Wow... Just wow.
It's rare to see a guy who gets a lady pregnant and wants to keep the baby even though he knows he's not financially capable. My financial advisor spirit would have asked you to abort the baby seeing that you guys will struggle to feed and all, and from financially point of view, keeping the baby would be a disaster.
But when you came to terms with the fact that you loved her and you wanted to have the baby with her and you were willing to do anything including dropping out of school and getting a job, you had all my support because I was willing to bet on luck that the universe will grant you the means to provide for your new family.
However, when that girl mounted pressure on you for an abortion, I started thinking the baby wasn't yours to begin with and she felt guilty about handing you someone's child. Plus, you mentioned she did all that because of her Ex, so that should leave you clues.
Anyways, I am happy, you allowed her to have her way. In my mind, I think her Ex was the father and he encouraged her to abort the baby, mostly because she threatened to tell the truth.
Oh no! Let me stop analyzing this situation and give thanks that you got off the bondage the enemy was planning to put you in.
As it stands, I will leave you with one sentence;
I also came to this conclusion too, Because I saw no reason why a mother would go the extra mile to ruin her daugthers life if there aren't secretes lagging in the shadows...
For trust, I've put it in the bag. Anyone who wants my trust would have to earn it
I feel for you because they prevented you from having the first set of twins that God blessed you with. For me, it was a mistake obliging them an abortion, under no circumstance is abortion allowed, if you ask me. Just to massage her parents ego as pastors? They should have kept their daughter in check and instill moral values in her. Why take a life? But as the devil would have it, She lost her womb in the process.
Good to know you didn't accept her back again and my advise to you is to keep looking for red flags as you are already doing. No matter how loving you can be, look well again before you settle for one who would be your wife eventually. I pray God grants you happiness and your own kidz whenever you are ready for them.
Yes indeed, you have rightly spoken, thanks for stopping by
My pleasure
A tough story to be sure.
For me I had a girl/woman I loved for many years. When I finally had the courage to ask her to marry me I found she was also dating my best friend. My best friend and I were also shocked when we found out she accepted a marriage proposal from a 3rd person. This after yeras of being together.
Perhaps not the same story as yours. But the result is the same. Love can hurt....a lot.
It seems you learned a great lesson (and so did I). I hope you end up with an awesome woman in the end. Good luck!
Some people can be wicked and heartless. These are the things that make people close their hearts from loving. It's jus so sad
Very true.
However, sometimes they are just self centered, sometimes they are blinded by a bad situation, sometimes they are too focused on their own needs to see the needs of others.
And sometimes they are just wicked and heartless.
Looking way back (its been over 30 years now) at the girl I loved. She had her own issues in her past and sought validation through relationships. I was too immature at the time to see and ended up getting burned. It would be easy to see her as heartless but easier for me to look back and see her as someone with her own problems I didn't understand.
But you did the right thing. Walk away. Grow as a person yourself. Learn for the future :) .... although I'm sure it felt like a knife through the heart
Sometimes, it's natural to make excuses for people, especially when all you did was love them. and seeing their wickedness as it should be can be a hard pill to swallow
Please I'd love to hear your story sir if you wouldn't mind. Honest truth is am curious to know how it ended please.
I don't mind telling the story. However, if you could elaborate a little more about what details interest you the most I might be able to tell the story a little better :) However, the super quick version is this: I suffered from a terrible broken heart and didn't date for a long time. 5 years later I found a nice girl and after a two years long distance courtship I married her. In a month I'll be celebrating my 25th anniversary.
When I look back at that time so long ago I remember how bad I felt and how hard I prayed. I now know that God was keeping me from the biggest mistake in my life even though it hurt a lot.
Anyways, let me know what details interest you and I'll go from there.
Wow wow!
Everything about the story if possible.
But most especially how she was able to play around you, your best friend and the other guy....
Well, it's not really something I go about telling people because it is an old story.
I met this girl 40 years ago (Wow that makes me feel old) and thought she was gorgeous when I first saw her. A couple years later at the age of 16 we started hanging out together. However, I had a pretty close knit group of friends we weren't the popular crowd but we had fun and were loyal to each other. No idea why she joined our group but she did.
She was a bit of a tomboy and a bit of a flirt but she was (and probably still is) a great person. I can't say which of the guys in our group were attracted to her but I can say we were all friends. Period.
Now 40 years ago there was no Internet. There were no cellphone images. No social media and people (at least in my group) didn't "kiss and tell". Since we all hung out together I would think nothing of her hanging out with any of the other guys in the group.
Fast forward 6 years and I'm now studying to become a Pharmacist. I had to do a LOT of study and lived a fairly long way away from my friends. Roughly 70km away. During the week I studied very hard but I still went back to hang out with my friends every weekend. Sunday I went to church with the girl and we talked on the phone during the week.
My best friend was the manager at an electronics store. He also tended to work a lot of weekends but often had a day or two off during the week.
Net result: I saw her on the weekend in person and on phone during the week.
He saw her during the week and some weekends but I wasn't suspicious because we all hung out a lot.
Add in the fact that we all lived close enough to get together and hang out but far enough away that we didn't see each other outside of hangout times she was able to flirt with other guys as well.
Result: She had 4 guys interested in her. And why not? She was beautiful, personable, outgoing and fun to be with.
To make matters worse for me I am socially awkward. It drives my wife nuts how bad I am at reading people now....and I'm much better now than I was then! I hadn't been in a serious relationship before her and was truly a novice at having any clue what to do. No internet to back me up (and no Hive either) back then.
So what happened? 3 guys had their hearts wounded (we were all 22ish) and she ended up with a guy who was 29 (7 years her elder). She really wanted a husband, children, family, stability etc. I just couldn't give her that. She also needed someone far more emotionally mature than I was back then.
We parted ways and never got back together again.
However as a little footnote:
When I was 24 we got together one last time for a walk around a park. I think we both needed a bit of closure. We talked about what went right....and wrong. I had healed a bit from my broken heart and things ended amicably. From friends I heard she would ask about me even many years later. I also asked about her for a long while. When asked if we wanted to have a group get together with mutual friends we both flatly declined. Nope. Those were memories I never wanted to relive!
I found a wife for myself when I was in my late 20's and I'll be celebrating my 25th anniversary with her in just over a month. When I look back I always see God's hand in splitting me up from my first love. If I had married her it would have been disasterious. I know God had the right person lined up for me it just took a lot of growing up and a lot of years to find her :)
Unfortunately it didn't work out as well for the girl. She was married and had a few children. However, last time I heard anything she was divorced and had moved a long way away :(
Maybe not the story you wanted but there you have it :)
I'd love to get a comment if you are so inclined ...
You shouldn't have ended with "The story i didn't want to hear" you made it sound like it wasn't interesting😂
Like you said its an old story which is very much understandable to think it would bore me. But you also forgot that it's very much new to me because i haven't heard any experience as yours before (TBT). I use to think that relationships in your time used to be peaceful and truthful since there wasn't much of technology back then. I remembered hearing stories from my god mom of how girls mostly are shy when a guy approaches them but the one you just spoke of seems to be the direct opposite, probably because she's a tomboy and i wonder if technology of now should have been in your time, that means the heartbreak would have been louder than what you felt then. These brings me to the conclusion that the internet plays lesser role on influencing the mind, the majority falls back to character of who we truly are. But must confess that you loved too deeply oo, at least a normal mind would have questioned her on why she was always seeing your best friend. since you guys were a click, there was others so why was he the only one she's always seen with. no how, you would have gotten an hint through your best friend to later realize that they were 2 more aside you and saved yourself earlier enough before she initiated the break up💔
I'm just so glad it wasn't her you ended up with, i could bet on it that it would end as a disaster. There wouldn't have even been a 5 years anniversary to celebrate how much more 25 years!
God knew how genuine your love was and decided to hand over your heart to a person who would cherish it as much as you would for her. Congratulations on your 25th years Anniversary 🎉🎉🎉 would have baked a cake for you and your wife if it was possible 😅. However, i wish for long life and more celebrations your way and that of your family... Amen.
Thanks allot sir for taking out time to share your experience with me, you sure do have a kind heart, i can sense it😌 and God continually bless your kind heart. As for the other lady who is a woman by now,I'm not surprised that she's divorced, i believe she has the curious nature of wanting to experience everything and anything she could get her hands on but never realized what she missed at a time in her life, oh wait, she knew but it became too late💔. Lets us just say the word karma exist and maybe just maybe why she can't have a proper life, at the end it's all vanity and people with her kind of nature lives a life of loneliness, i hope she finds help along the way....
Thanks once again sir, my sincere appreciation🙏🙏🙏
A lot to unpack in your response and unfortunately I'm on a road trip with limited internet.
A few things though :)
Haha. Not true. Relationships are always messy. People are people with all their faults and quirks. People lie, cheat, steal and all sorts of other awful things. People can also be selfless, honest, and loving. Technology changes the background in which we operate but not the people themselves. Now everyone sees everything in real time, back then it was quite possible to be blissfully unaware. Then again gossip was the social media of the day.
There was a rhyme that wasn't uncommon when I was young
"Snips and snails and puppy dog tails...that's what little boys are made of.
Sugar and spice and everything nice....that's what little girls are made of"
While not exactly true society expected girls and women to be the "kinder and gentler sex". Being future mom's they were expected to be loving and nuturing. While boys were expected to be stronger, masculine, and roughhouse. Indeed at the time men doing crimes or getting into fights was commonplace. But girls doing the same thing was scandalous.
Girls DID tend to play shy a lot. Good girls were supposed to protect their virginity until marriage. Or at least hide the fact that they were having sex. Men on the other hand were expected to help the girls in maintaining their image. Ever hear the saying "I don't kiss and tell?" .. now you know what it refers to :) Times have changed and now my son says how he is having sex sometimes as early as the first date.
However, I was a teenager in the 1980s not the 1950s. In the 1980s women were indeed becoming more liberated and more empowered. The girl I was with was quite short and as such she had often been picked on by other girls when she was young. She learned early to stand up for and defend herself....and that guys were less "judgie" than girls.
In my defense I was (and still am) normal albeit socially awkward. Remember this was the 1980s. Without the Internet, Video Games, and Cellphones friends hung out together all the time. Nothing weird about it. If you watch the TV Show "Stranger Things" and look at the young kids playing D&D that wouldn't be too far from what my group looked like back then. I knew she had other close friends who were guys I just didn't know things were going further than that. Too trusting I suppose.
I had to think about that statement a little bit. Of course I thank God that things happened as they did as I believe that she was absolutely the wrong person for me. She had a difficult childhood and needed more emotional support and stability than I was able to give her when I was young.
But if I play the "What If" game I'm not certain that it would have ended in disaster. She genuinely did enjoy spending time with me and we often went to church together. I do believe that if we DID stay together God would have worked in her life to heal the pain of her childhood. I also believe that he would have given me the strength to grow into the husband I would have needed to be.
I'm certain there would have been numerous fights and difficulties along the way.
However, would it have failed in 5 years? I like to think God would have given us strength to become better people than we were and persevere.
Then again, when I think how rocky that path would have been? I'm so glad I didn't go down that route!
...and that's quite long enough. I have to pack and get on the road. Thanks for your interest and have a great day!
Oh my!!
Is it too early to say that I'm already loving you sir?😄😄 I've learned so much just from this little chat and its quite so unfortunate that there isn't another way to express my sincere gratitude than to say thank you. Thank you so much for taking out time to share your experience and for replying back to back, i sincerely appreciate you sir🙏
Your children are blessed to have a father as you, i don't need to know you in person to tell on that. Thanks again sir, and Congratulations once more, i celebrate you sir.🎉🎉
Wow, this is so much to process, some people can be wicked, like how can you be a pastors wife and daughter and still let your child go through an abortion, I blame the mother for the wrong advices
Yeah the mother had her part, but it was the lady's decision
Yay! 🤗
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This story touches my heart greatly. There are many manipulative families like that. You thank your stars that you didn't end up with such a woman as a wife.
However, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't sent money for abortion. I see that as a form of approval (maybe under duress). I would rather leave them to do whatever they like without giving them money. I may be wrong anyway.
The good thing is that you emerged out of it unbroken.
I popped in from #dreemport because I am a #dreemerforlife
The money was sent out of love
Gosh!
I didn't this to the end because what is this na??
Her mother behaving like Patience Ozokwor in Nollywood 😭😭
Pastor's wife for that matter.
God abeg
It's life, there's nothing I can do about it
It's always difficult, and often a little scary, opening up with a very deeply personal issue. We find friends online, and find very close friends, too... but still, sharing something like this... something so scary, so hard to decide, well, you never know how your online friends will react.
There's two things I wanted to say:
TRUST and LOVE
Your relationship with the young lady? It would forever be difficult to trust again. And to to love as fully and deeply. And also, It is hard to be in a place where, your parents (and her's too) would and were making very difficult decisions, and pressuring you both. That takes some time to come back from.
TRUST and COURAGE
Sharing something, almost anything is an effort in trust and courage. Sharing it will many strangers? You are trusting a bare part of your soul. Sharing something so personal and sometimes, controversial to some, online? A huge act of courage, and trust, that those you call friends online, will come support you, and surround you with their heart. Of course, this also shows, who your friends are, real friends. Sharing and opening yourself like this? True friends will be by your side, no matter what you go through.
Bravely written, bravely shared. Thank you for your trust in us!
Hey @kilvnrex , your story is quite emotional. I think I know some of them in your past blog but yet, I still feel so emotional reading this. This is a definition of tough time indeed and I must commend your boldness for putting this writing. Sometimes I wonder the type of parenting we have this days and the type of decision people take irrespective of how risky it is
It baffles me
I came from #dreemport
Yeah you are right, the way some parents train their children nowadays is not good at all. However my writing this is a means of reaching out to someone who might be in a similar situation, I want my story to one day serve as an inspiration to others, so I need to start telling it now
Your case is different, you impregnated a pastor's daughter, your reward is in heaven. #dreemerforlife
That's the only part you saw😑
Asewo
Wow!!! I'm still in shock reading this.
I wanted to say that serves her right, but no woman deserves to loose her womb and the ability to birth a child . And to think her mum had a hand in it is just so annoying.
I believe they don't want to tarnish their reputation because she's a pastors daughter.Hmm
I see you've gone through alot in the hands of love, but don't forget that there's always someone out there who will cherish and love you maybe even more than you do her.
I wish you find that someone soon✨
#dreemerforlife
I guess I have had a couple of experiences lol. But yeah like you rightly said, there's someone out there for me