JANUARY VICES

As January ends I pen this down with a bleeding heart. it's easy to smile with so much uncertainty about life and what the future holds when no one knows or cares to know what's going on with you. Again I've come to realize that being a man is never easy, especially when you are one with all the pressures there's to face. I've had my fair share of pressure this most, most of which was self-inflicted. Necessary because I have been slacking on achieving my goals. This I won't blame anyone for but myself. At the same time, I've had some good moments in January, but right now I'm not in the right frame of mind to start remembering them.

Image By freepik

The only thing I can remember at this very moment is that I’ve been bleeding on the inside for over a week now and I wish I could talk about it. You know it just hurts less when I type the words above, but it is the truth after all. I have tried to bury myself in movies, comedies, and all, but sometimes for some reason, it just feels empty inside, and I think it's beginning to affect my health physically. I'm yet to go for a proper check-up because I've been trying to keep myself busy and forgot it all happened. Again I say, being a man isn't easy, you look weak talking about it, and you die on the inside when you don't. I'm not sure how long I can keep up with this, but I hope not for long.

Sorry if I can not say exactly what is going on, because even I do not know, but I think it's brought some clarity, especially in my actions and the reasons behind them. By now I guess you know where I'm driving to, if you don't, it's about my relationship life that I don't usually talk about, but if there's a worse thing that has happened to me this month, is that I believed a lie, and it hurts so much. Sorry if I can't give the full gist here, it's not just my story to tell, maybe some other time when the dust has settled and it hurts less. The pain I feel though is as real as they come, sometimes it hurts so much that it hurts physically like an injury, and other times it's the feeling of emptiness.

Image By freepik

With everything going on right now, I wouldn't be blamed if I acted rashly or let out my emotions anyhow I deemed fit, but then again I'm restrained by love, and that's what makes it hurt even more. I have a lot of things I'm supposed to be worrying about, but when you give people access to your life, and they take advantage of it, it affects everything you are trying to build, which makes it nearly impossible for you to focus on the task at hand. I've been wishing time would just pass so fast and the pain will go along with it, but I guess it's not possible huh? So yes that's all about my worst experience in January, I'm hoping it gets better by February.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE GHANA PROMPT FOR THE WEEK.