NOT LOVE

Source

"You said by now we'll paint the walls of our shared apartment, my colour and yours in our corners, a secret place we'll be in case we argue..." he paused, gave a small smile and continued, "...we argue a lot these days, but I don't care. I prefer arguing with you and coming back with silly questions..."
Tears were forming in his eyes as he moved closer to her, his girlfriend Tessy, held her hand, looked deeply Into her eyes and then sniffed aloud.

She could tell he had cried. He must have practiced saying this for a long time. She knows him well, he doesn't say so much. He talks the way she eat, slow and rhythmic, while she talks the way he eats, so fast and kinda loud?
She is unsure if it's irritation that makes her think of it as loud or that makes her say it in a hanging manner as if asking a question.

The tears are now dropping even faster and she can see snorts pooling from his nose, but he does not try to wipe it off. She is not disgusted by it. He moves closer, covering the foot distance between them, and she can feel his breath on her neck.

"You're still everything I wanted, I think we could work it out. Everything was fine until, ... until you started singing in shows, you're now appearing on TV, you're now too busy for me, for us. You're a household name, and I waited, I'm still waiting. Waiting for you to come around, waiting for you to be wholly mine. Don't take this the wrong way, cause I'm proud of you. Very proud. It's just that it's affecting our relationship, and it hurts me. I know we can work this out. I know we can.."

"I.. am... trying, " she said emphatically,"I am really trying. Some of your friends might call it fame getting in my head, but it has always been that way. "

"What are you trying to say?" He asked, her hand still in his.

She dropped his hand and whispered, "...to love you."

"I'm trying to love you. It has always been that way. I don't want you to keep guessing if I'm cheating on you or not. Before my song got accepted, before I started auditioning, I only wanted to date you for a while and break up. I came up with all excuses, I tried to pick fights and make you break up with me, I was petty, very petty, but you still wanted me. I came back after each argument, thinking I might eventually fall in love with you, thinking I could give you the forever you wanted, but love didn't form in me for you. I cheated on you not once or twice, I cheated on you with people that weren't even up to your standards, and I never felt guilty. And I remember that whenever I try to talk about me cheating even though I'll be like "let's say I'm cheating" you would quickly Interrupt and say "I know you can't cheat, I trust you, you're one person I can trust with all my life that You aren't cheating on me" and at the other end of the phone, I would just smile, and shake my head. And I would promise myself not to cheat again, but when next I'll be under another guy, moaning, I would remember you, but I won't even feel anything for you, not even guilt. "

Looking at their hands, hers in his, he said, "You didn't consider my past even though I said my past makes you pity me. I know I tried breaking up once because I said you don't love me because you're mistaking your love for pity, but you said you truly wanted me and my past has never been the reason why you love me"

He raised his head, looked towards bedroom, and made to continue, but she cut him short.

"You talked about not forgiving a cheating partner. I once told you that I cheated on you and that night, we both went to bed with throats itching for wailings, itching for tears and I woke up the next morning to see your message that you won't blame me because I'm still young and would want to explore my teenage years, but since I love the other guy more, you would let go and you said you hope I am happy. That text made me feel like you had left, and I told you I was joking about me cheating even though it was the Truth, i said i would never cheat on you. I don't know why I didn't seize that moment to end it all, but the thought of losing your genuine love came, and I thought, "Why don't you enjoy this love while you can?" You accepted me back, and I still didn't stop cheating on you."

Eyes bloodshot, he looked into her eyes, 6 are you just telling me this?"

"I don't want to enter as your wife, I don't want to be seen as the lady you told your family about, honest and loving, those are the words you used for me. I want you to know that I have always cheated now so that when I marry you and you eventually know, you would not be so heartbroken"

He slowly said ;

"But, you're the only one that has ever loved me like I wanted, you're the only one that I know can match me, I know you complete me. It's hard to let go but..."

"Please leave" she interrupted. "Leave and make me miss you, don't text me, don't call me, make me miss you so I can truly miss you for once and maybe fall in love with you for real this time around. Cause this, what we have now, it'snot love"she was choking on her own words now "Don't call me if I don't call, don't send flowers, don't comment on my post, block me and make me look for You everywhere. Make me you, nake me desperate for you maybe the love I thought I didn't have for you would eventually surface"

With a new rush of tears running down his face, he dropped her hand and made for the door. He didn't turn to say anything. He just left, shutting the door gently.

Source

She got up when mhertears dried and made for her bedroom. He has been in her house for some days now, preparing it for my arrival. That's how he does, he goes over to her house few days to her arrival after her musical shows to welcome her, help her unpack, to talk about her fears during the shows and what she liked about them. She would miss those but she ws happy to miss them. She turned the doorknob, stepped into the room, turned on the room light and saw the bed filled with sweet scented flower and candles. White and red balloons at the edges of her bed and carefully arranged flowers that read, " please be my wife"

He loved her, far more than sny of the guys that she cheated with and she knew this. She knew, too that she would not miss him, that she could not love him neither commit to him or anyone else. It wasn't about him, it was about her and her family. She had promised herself to not be like her mother and she was never going against that. Even though he was a sweet boy, even though she knew that he was different, they could not be together. He deserved better than what she could offer. At the thoughts of that, she fell on her knees and began to sob.

I hope this was interesting. Thanks for stopping by.