Why Saying No Feels Impossible for Me - Contest #203

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Sometimes the truth can be really bitter... whether you like it or not, it is there... maybe you can try to go around it, but if the truth is there, it is there. For me, there's a truth in my life I would rather not want to deal with again but it has a way of always showing up.

I'm from a family where love is everything... my parents were the typical perfectionist where they want their children to be perfect in all areas of life... in academics, behavior, morals, and personal achievements. The expectations were always high...they always wanted us the children to be the best in everything we do and when you come short of that expectation, it looks and feels like you've failed.

This upbringing made me think that life is perfect and it made me always want to be perfect in everything I do and as a result, I became a pleaser who would always want to please people and find it difficult to say no to someone even when i'm at a disadvantage.

When I share what i'm going through with close friends and acquaintances, they would all say "isn't that a good thing?" The world needs more people like you to always put a smile on people's faces... while sometimes it feels good to always try to put smile on people's faces, i know what I face trying to do so. imagine the feeling of always trying to give out, even when you know that you need that thing even more than the person requesting, just because you don't want the person to feel disappointed and feel like you purposely don't want to give it to them. It can be really draining.

This isn't just with family members or strangers, it also happens a lot with friends... some of my friends have taken advantage of this because they know that if they request anything within my possession, i would most-likely give it to them. While this is great at keeping the friendship, it is really not great for me personally because a lot of the time, what I give out is what i need as well. It’s really draining to always trying to make sure everyone around you is happy and comfortable, and no one feels disappointed.

The worst part of being a people's pleaser isn't about giving, because giving can be fulfilling, the worst part of being a people's pleaser is agreeing to things i didn't want to. Agreeing to go out when I totally feel exhausted to go out, agreeing to do jobs i wouldnt want to do just because i dont want to disappoint people... agreeing to take people into my space because i don't want them to feel i dont like them.

This for me is truth I would rather ignore forever if I could. Sometimes I ask my self "what my life would look like if I just didn't care that much... if i can tell people "NO" without feeling guilt or feel like i've failed someone"

While i enjoy the smile i put on people's faces, it also know very well the saying that says "you can’t pour something out from an empty cup" This saying has stuck with me, but the reality is that i don't know how to say no. I've tried, but it is hard because of my upbringing and because pleasing people is part of me. It is something that is difficult to let go...

But i know fully well that always trying to give out and please people can run you dry and when that happens, there would be no more left to give.. which can be a really bad thing for me. I know this and that is why day-by-day i'm working to find a balance, talking to more people, getting advices from specialists ... because in life, what matters is finding the balance.

I know that one day... sooner than later, i would find that balance, I would be brave enough to say no when I really need to. I don't have to put myself at a disadvantage to please someone. I need to let my cup full before trying to fill some else's cup or try to pour out from my cup... Before I get to that point when I can successfully say i've found the balance, being a people pleaser is that truth that remains the one I’d rather ignore if possible.