Ladies of Hive Community Contest #166: One lesson last year and one action this year

The year 2023 was a big year for me; on textbook, there were a lot of things that I achieved. I graduated from my four year college program for Bachelor of Science in Nursing and I passed the Nursing Licensure Exam. Both of these things I think I did exceptionally well in and I am really proud of conquering because it felt like my whole life built up to those moments and the rest of my life will be governed by it. However, when I think back and really introspect on the past year, things like graduating and getting a nursing license aren’t the things on my mind. I realized that life is so much more than academic accolades and the definition of success that others have predetermined for me.

As a woman, there are so many standards we are expected to follow; norms we are expected to comply to. The past year, I learned that I create the standards for myself; especially when it comes to happiness and success. Had I not achieved my academic milestones, I can still look at it in the eye and take pride of myself for the happiness that I found pursuing it; that in my pursuit, I forgave myself for my shortcomings, I celebrated my small wins, I went with my pace no matter how slow it may be at times. In the past, I would have pursued these achievements without considering my own happiness, but I have learned now that those two must go hand in hand.

In the past, I believed in saving the best for last or saving it for special occasions. I would save up the cake icing and only use my favorite scented candle for certain events. Thinking like this was a detriment for me to savor the moment and in the end, I got spoiled icing and an expired candle. However, I felt a shift and I noticed a lot of times this past year that I chose to live in the moment more. I had things- tangible and not, and I put them into good use and that made the present even more joyous rather than just saving that joy for a future that’s not even assured.

Despite the things that I valued, the past year has not been perfect; in fact, it was difficult. There were a lot of things that I still feel like I need to heal from and residual thoughts that I am yet to make peace with. Amongst the things that I have gained were also things that I lost, but loss is a reminder to be grateful of the constant things. Somehow, loss makes space for the people, values, hopes, and happiness that are yet to come in life.

I admit, the past year, I wasn’t the most determined, but it might be the first time in a long time that I was gentle to myself and I don’t deserve any guilt from that. When we are doing things for the first time, we forgive ourselves if we make mistakes because we are inexperienced. Well, this is my first time living life, I have never been a 23-year-old before, I have never planned and implemented my plans in life before, so I don’t deserve to be so harsh on myself. I have learned to be kind to myself; I am learning to be kind to myself.

There are a lot of things that I wanted to do differently last year, but I can’t change that anymore. What I can do is to look forward and formulate my decisions before my actions so that the future me would look back at me with pride for the things I’ve done.

I don’t know what surprises the year to come will bring, but the future is too ever changing and uncertain to worry too much about. For now, I will choose to be present in the present, I will choose my happiness, I will choose my peace. I hope for myself that the year to come will be my year and I will continue to live in the moment and light up that candle despite the burnout that is to come.

If you are reading this, you just became a part of my year and I wish nothing but happiness and success for you. I hope that writing down my experience made a difference somehow.