S&S Monthly Invitational: October | The leather mask
The leather mask
"Another severed body turns up, on the bank of the Huson River, the victim is a 25-year-old, white, blonde, blue-eyed female. The modus operandi is the same as the previous 10 victims, so it is presumed to be the same killer. People especially girls with the characteristics of the murdered girl are asked to be very careful and avoid crossing the Huson Bridge. In other news..."
Katie would turn off the TV and get ready to go to work. Two years ago she broke up with Jhon her boyfriend with whom she lived, now she was alone and her life revolved around work and alcohol. A few small drops of beer ran down her beautiful lips, and her blonde hair tangled awkwardly between her blue eyes.
She looked at the time and after throwing away the can of beer she hurried off to her job as a waitress. A tear escaped quickly down her cheek as she watched the buildings pass by through the bus window, and the sun, which was slowly warming up on the horizon. The despairing faces of the people absorbed by the system were peeking through the streets like emaciated zombies.
Katie dozed off and out of her sleep she heard a voice. "Hello, miss, is the place taken?". The gentle voice of the man brought the woman back to reality.
In an almost imperceptible gesture, Katie would shake her head. The tall, handsome man sat down, flashing Katie a warm smile. She would respond with a reluctant gesture and turn her face toward the window, closing her eyes again.
"You know, miss, in this month Hakuna god of hope comes out to shower faith on people, hehe..."
Slightly annoyed, Katie turns to the man and said "I don't give a damn about your god, I don't have hope anymore." She would quickly get up to get off the bus leaving the man stunned.
After a stressful and tiring day, Katie returned home. The night was coming to hide the ridiculous routine, Katie, tired and with a bottle of wine in her hand, was walking through the dark places of the city that little by little was falling into an almost sepulchral silence.
As she rambled through her thoughts, she didn't know how she got to the bridge over the Huson River. The darkness painted the landscape of the park with a gloomy hue. Katie remembered the news she had heard in the morning, her body trembled, and an icy sweat broke out on her forehead.
She began to run back the way she came, her legs moved fast in the breeze and a constant panting accompanied the desperate escape. She began to feel someone following her, a shadow moved swiftly through the trees unsettling Katie, as she turned to look she bumped into someone and fell backward to the ground, she covered her face with her arms pleading for mercy.
"Calm down, woman. I won't hurt you." A man's voice said to her.
Katie recognized the voice, uncovered her face, and looked at the man on the bus holding out her hand. The angry woman would get up and shove the man and then say, "Let me through, asshole, I'm going to report you to the police for harassing me."
She kept running and looked in the distance at a figure of a man, it was a policeman. Katie looked at him and immediately let out an almost muffled scream. "Police, police! A man is following me, please help me!"
"Don't be afraid, miss. That's what we policemen are for, tell me which way you saw the man."
Katie would turn around to show the officer the way and suddenly everything went dark. The woman opened her eyes and the blurry images became clearer, suddenly she saw herself in a room lit by a dim light, flies were flying around Katie, and the walls faded with age showing unkempt patches of a dark red color.
Katie wanted to get up, but she couldn't because she was bound by hand and foot, she tried to scream, but her mouth was covered with a gag, tears were her only outlet for the desperate situation. An almost spectral figure appeared from the shadows. A leather mask with stitching on all sides covered the face of that shadowy being.
Katie's pupils dilated and her breathing became more rapid as she watched the man in the mask approach with a chainsaw, turn it on and the rusty, clanging sound filled the place. Katie moved uncontrollably and then closed her eyes, abandoning all hope.
Seconds passed and she felt nothing, the horrible sound piercing her eardrums, spreading terror, in her already battered mind. Katie listened as the saw cut through flesh and bone, the crunching sounds were accompanied by a dance of blood that splattered throughout the room, and then all was silence.
Katie opened her eyes and the being appeared in front of her with its head separated from its body. The man in the mask held the head of a decapitated woman by her blonde hair, and immediately a sinister smile began to play from inside the leather mask, which seemed to decree the woman's sentence.
Katie continued to struggle with the restraints in a vain effort to break free. The man in the mask tossed his head to the side and the red dyed overalls showed the fate the woman would suffer.
He turned the chainsaw back on and turned to the woman. Katie looked at those empty eyes behind the mask and understood it was the end, again she closed her eyes waiting to feel the machine pierce her weak flesh. The rusty sound could be heard closer and closer, she heard the being raise the chainsaw and then...
Katie felt the man in the mask fall on her body, she opened her eyes and watched the saw dance on the ground. She didn't understand what was happening, then she heard a voice ask, "Did he hurt you?". She recognized the voice, it was the man from the bus car. She hadn't been so excited to see her would-be stalker. He had plunged a knife into the back of the leather mask killer, now he took the body and threw it on the ground, untied the woman, and said, "Let's get out of this horrible place fast, I'm Trebor by the way."
"Thank you, Trebor. I am indebted to you." The woman's lighted eyes focused on the man.
Katie and Trebor were walking out of the horrible abandoned house and into the woods. They were looking for the Huson River bridge to escape. The couple's hurried footsteps were accompanied by the full moon.
After a while, they could see the bridge over the Huson River. They both smiled and ran towards the exit of that horrible place, when they were about to arrive from between the trees the killer of the mask trapping Trebor.
"Run!!!", Trebor shouted desperately to Katie.
Katie ran and then turned around watching them fight. She grabbed a large log from the ground and swung back giving a blow to the masked assassin, who was falling to the ground unconscious.
Trebor battered from the fight was being carried by Katie and they both ran towards the bridge. Both were panting and their lungs were about to collapse. A few meters away, Trebor began to expel blood from his mouth and fell unconscious, Katie watched in astonishment as an axe was thrust into the man's back.
Katie heard that horrible laugh and after a moment she looked at the killer in the mask, with the saw. The woman started running desperately hoping to get to the bridge and call for help. In a few seconds, Katie's head was rolling on the ground, while her body kept running until she fell on the bridge.
Tears of blood streamed from the eyes of Katie's severed head, and a last gasp snuffed out her life. Horrible laughter filled the place, the killer in the leather mask carried the bodies of the man and woman, leaving Katie's head on the bridge, then disappeared into the thicket of the forest.
"Breaking news, a new victim has been found on the bank of the Huson River, authorities are investigating the new murder, and we will continue to report..."
The end
You are cordially invited to participate in the S&S Monthly Invitational: October, the link is below:
https://peakd.com/hive-199275/@grocko/s-and-s-monthly-invitational-4ec3a6d036417
Image created by artificial intelligence https://images.ai/
Edited by Rincón Poético.
Text authored by:
Camilo Torres
DRA
¡Thanks for you reading!
What a riveting horror story! It reminds me of the American horror franchise, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I enjoy the way you slowly build the tension and suspense to an action-packed ending. Your character development is good—we know who Katie is and can relate with her. I almost breath a sigh of relief when the man on the bus appears on the scary scene to save her. Alas, it doesn't turn out good for the couple.
Except for a few glitches as a result of translation, this is a fine read. Well done. Would you like an in-depth/critical review of your story? Thanks so much for participating in the Scholar N Scribe Invitational. Good luck. !LUV 😊
I'm glad you liked the story. In a way I was inspired by the murderer in the movie, hehe...
It's a shame that the translator sometimes doesn't get the words right, I apologize for that.
You can do the review, thank you for taking the time to read and analyze.
A hugs.
Agree and receive @rinconpoetico7 - and in-depth review!
So translation aside, this was a great read. I think I can point out some tangible things which you can work on and improve your craft. Regardless of translation loopholes or what have you. So firstly:
This entire paragraph is only two sentences. As such the effect it produces is very tiring to the reader. Splitting this paragraph in 3 to 4 sentences would greatly increase the readability.
I do not know if these were translation errors. But a lot of time your tense would be off. I have struggled with tensing before as well. Overusing future tense when the present tense is needed for instance. I wasn't sure if it was due to the translation, but I figured I'd mention it anyways.
You character development was on point. I really enjoyed Katie as a protagonist. Regardless of tensing or structure, that is a skill that is most applicable. I also enjoyed the ending a lot! I'm a sucker for good action. Good stuff.
Thank you for joining the S&S Invitational! Hope to see you again!
!discovery 39
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