LOH #156: Overcoming life with my broken pieces!

Hello, Ladies of Hive Community!

The topics for contest #156 this week are too relevant for me. I've been battling with my mental health for a while, and I'm grateful to be able to share my experience with you. I will respond to both questions in this article:

1️⃣ . Share a story on how you overcome feeling despondent, disillusioned, or filled with skepticism when you realize precisely what's going on around you.

2️⃣ What makes you hold onto hope? Enlighten us on something you do to create a safe, positive space around yourself, to boost the belief or conviction to always look for the cloud with a silver lining, even if it means starting again.

When my mother died three months ago, that's when everything began. My world became very black and white when I lost her. Nothing looks new; everything appears old. Pain, hopelessness, and disappointment flooded my heart.

Because I lost everything, including my greatest love, I will never experience the same happiness levels again. I don't know if I'm worth anything as a human because everything feels so unjust. Even though it's challenging to be the family's primary income provider simultaneously, I put my all into caring for my mother.

My aspirations are for her because I would not be the person I am today without the sacrifices she made on my behalf. She sacrificed everything to ensure I became the person I desired.

But all of a sudden, I lost her. I can't say goodbye and how much I love her anymore. One of my biggest regrets is that I can't give her the life she deserves.

It's been tricky; daily and night are struggling for me. She is the missing piece inside me, and since she is no longer present, I will never be complete.

My life is genuinely new now that that part of me is gone. Everything is drastically altered now. Every day is a struggle as I fight the emotions that come when a song plays, a smell triggers a memory, or a wave of feeling comes over me.

And that never lessens; I only become accustomed to handling and hiding it.

There is not an instant remedy for healing. The process must be smooth. I cannot stop the raindrops from falling. However, I'd like to use this to get to know myself better and rebuild my castle piece by piece. Although it will move slowly, it will be precise. Although it might seem impossible, I worry more about being stranded than lost.

I constantly think about others around me to build my strength; my father and other siblings depend on me. I should try my best to look after them no matter what, and I won't give up on making my mother rest in peace.

That is how I surround myself with positivity and persuade myself that I still have a life to live.

I resume my routine and concentrate on schoolwork. I avoid being unhappy by keeping myself occupied every day. I constantly seek the meaning of my existence and recognize my worth in whatever I do.

I go to the places that renew my spirit and with the people who love me and teach me to appreciate the beauty of still life and the fact that there are some things for which I should be thankful.

I've lost many parts of me before being here, abandoned pieces of my life that I can no longer retrieve nor go back to those times to undo everything. I've got my saddest days and loneliest of nights—I've had my share of breakdowns and downfalls, too; I've had my heart gone black and blue, guts caught with punches and blows, and soul wrecked and knocked down. But I managed to survive all those tortures and escape the warzone, bleeding but still breathing. I found a place where I was alone, but I knew I could rest—so I took the chance to revive myself.

Suffering is a constant part of life. But I also understood that there is hope, and we must always maintain sight of it. Because as soon as we lose sight of hope, our lives begin to fall apart. When we start thinking badly, we are unsure how to improve our mood. It is difficult when we are in the dark and unable to find any light. We feel like we'll pass away at any second, and loneliness and agony are to blame.

No matter how difficult things are, there are moments when we have to force ourselves to cling to anything that offers us a glimmer of hope. When we want to give up, we must remember why we persevered. Of course, there are situations when we can't change someone's mind who has already given up on himself. We need to be there for them. All we need to do is restore their hope. Make them feel loved and appreciated and give them a sense of worth.

Suffering is a constant part of life. However, some people will make us feel we are not suffering in silence. Most importantly, some of us still want to live, even though we may occasionally lose our guts.