Understanding and Overcoming Grief - LOH #235

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Today, I will be sharing about my personal grief and how I dealt with it. Back in 2022, I lost both of my grandparents, and it was the worst year for me. It felt like, everything happened all of a sudden; I didn't know this was about to happen. It felt like, why did this have to happen now? There was so much more time left; why did they have to leave me now? I could not bear the loss of my grandparents. I have always been their dear granddaughter, and I would often fight with my cousins, saying that my grandparents loved me the most. It was so fun teasing them and having these kinds of moments. I really enjoyed every moment whenever I stayed with my grandparents.

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I used to visit my grandparents at the end of the year when my school would be off, and there was a long holiday during winter. I would always get excited to visit my grandparents, as they knew that I would come in the winter season. The whole year, I would wait for winter to arrive so that I could meet my grandparents. When I used to visit them my grandmother used to bake cakes and cookies for me, as I liked them very much, and my grandfather would buy all kinds of fruits that were available during the winter season. Since I loved strawberries very much, grandfather would buy me lots of strawberries until I got bored of them.

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During night time, I used to sleep with my grandparents, I would not go to sleep; I was always eager to hear stories from her. My grandmother had lots of stories to tell me, as she was always prepared for this moment. Because she knew I would not go to sleep without hearing bedtime stories, so she would tell me different stories on different days. It was so mesmerizing, and my other cousins used to get jealous of me, as they assumed I got more attention than they did. But that was not true; our grandparents loved everyone equally.

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In January in the month of the New Year 2022, I lost my dear grandmother. I don't feel like explaining how it happened, but I can say that she was very old and she had many health issues. The doctors told us that it was not that bad and that she could still lead a healthy life. This put my mind at ease, and I felt very happy when she was finally released from the hospital, we believed that she was out of danger. But then, nothing went well. One morning, my uncle went to check on her, and she was no longer breathing. To be honest it was terrifying. Because I was in the city at that time, far away from the village where my grandparents lived. To travel there it would take 8-10 hours to reach there by bus. As I arrived there I saw that her skin was pale, and it made me feel so sad that I could not stop crying. I saw her getting buried in the grave, this had left me stunned and I could not say anything.

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However, I had to be strong, as my grandfather was left alone, also he had to continue his journey without her. Then I told my parents that I wanted to stay in the village and take care of grandfather, but I had classes, so I could not live with him and my parents told me I can come later. After a few months, my dear grandfather also passed away. This time, I could not cry at all. Because I was in shock and could not believe that it had truly happened. Then my mother was worried about and asked me that why I did not cry, but I told her that I still didn't believe he was no longer with us. At that moment she hugged me tightly and started to cry when she heard me say those words. Meanwhile, I lost some weight because I had stopped eating on time, also I could not sleep properly; I had insomnia.

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After a year, I started to accept that they were actually gone and in a better place now. I still pray for their well-being, as I believe they are watching over me and would not want me to live a life like this. It took me a year to control my emotions, but they are still living in my heart. Their memories will stay with me forever and can never die.

Thanks for reading 🌷