Ladies Of Hive Community Contest #160: Unspoken Words To My Love Xander

Losing a member of the family is one of the heartbreaking moment that someone could experience in life. Though how much we tried take care of those people around us time will come that God will take them away from us. Regret is one of the feeling that most of us felt as we experience that phase of life. Regretting for not spending more time and not saying those words that we want to say while they are still with us. So many unspoken words that we wanted to tell but it's too late already. In that moment, we could only wish we could turn back the time that we still have them with us so we could do and say what we need to tell them.

Five days ago, I had lost my precious son. It was the hardest part of my life. Seeing my son lifeless made my heart break and my body weak. I don't know what to do at that moment. Seems like my mind and body stopped functioning. I only got to move and processed the bills so I could bring home my child when someone had approached me and told me what to do. My sister and brother called but I didn't have the courage to answer their call because my mind is still in chaos. As I was reflecting on what's happening with us, I couldn't help but regret some things. I wish I had made them before while he was still with us but I can't anymore.

The next day of his absence, that's the only time I got to open my phone. I had checked all my earning side hustles but never engage with others. As I was reading some blogs here in Hive, I stumbled on this Ladies of Hive Contest which topic is about death. Is this a coincidence so I can express what I want to say since I have so many unspoken words for my son? If this is, then I want to say thanks to @jane1289 for this week's topic that she thought of. This may somehow help me lessen the pain in my heart as I express those words that I want to say to my son through this letter that I'll write for him.

Do you know someone dear to your heart who passed away unexpectedly? In case he/she can read your letter from heaven, what do you want to tell him/her? You can express your feelings, emotions, and everything else you've been holding inside that remained unspoken before he/she passed away.

Question from the Ladies of Hive Contest #160

My Love Xander,

How are you babe? It's been five days since the last time I held you in my arms. 'Til now, I can't still believe that you were not with us anymore. I am missing you each day that you aren't in our side. Your father and your siblings miss you too. As of this moment while I'm writing this letter to you, though I know you can't read it anymore, my tears keep on falling nonstop. It's really pains me knowing that I can't hold you, talk to you and sleep beside you anymore. I miss you so bad, my sweet Xander. How can Mama move on when all I can see everytime I open my eyes is your sweetest smile, your face and everything about you? It is really so hard right now but I'm trying my very best to be strong despite the brokenness that I feel because your siblings still need me.

How I wish I hug you longer when you told me to hug you a few hours before you go. If only I'd know that you will leave me that very day, I would have hug you, kiss you and uttered those words that you always want to hear. I know I had said I LOVE YOU so many times to you but right now that you're gone, I think those aren't enough. I wish I had said it more than the times I had told it to you before when you were with us. Your Kuya also regretted for not saying those three words to you. He cried so hard but I consoled him. I told him that even if he hadn't said it to you, I know you have felt his love to you.

When you left us, you also take a part of me. The first day of your absence was the most struggling days of our lives. We cried a lot because we couldn't accept that you're truly gone. I had always checked on your twin sister and made sure that I'm always on her side. Your father always sleep late since that day. In the middle of the night as I wake up, I always see your father watching your videos that I have in my phone. He even told me to save those other videos that I have uploaded before and watch those videos so many times.

Babe, your teacher were so sad when they hear the news that you were gone already. Some of your schoolmates had came to our house too. They may not have said it directly but I know your classmates and schoolmates whom you had made friends with are also sad with your sudden death.

Have you known that you would left us this early? Before, I wonder why you wouldn't threw all those test papers, quiz papers and other school works that you had. At first, you just kept those in your bag but few months ago you had transferred it in my envelope where some important documents are kept. If you did that so I would have some things to look for if I miss you, thank you so much. Last night, I had flipped all those and it brought smile to my face while looking at those cute drawings you had. Thank you for keeping those in my envelope. I will take good care of those so that if I will miss you so bad I would just look at those.

We may not see each other anymore, please know my love that I always love you. Mama will always remember you and you will always have a special place in my heart. You may have left us but you will not be forgotten. You will always be our sweet, caring, loving and understanding son and sibling. Thank you for the short time you spent with us. You made us happy and so proud that you are our son. Our son who loves to draw, smart, brave and a fighter. You never failed us to amaze with your amazing talents. I may not have said this many times to you but know I'm so happy and proud that you are my son. A son who always think of my well being. A son who was there when I need a company. A son who understood me when I felt sad and emotional. Thank you so much.

I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR THE BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES, MY SWEET XANDER!

LOVE,

MAMA