Craving Inclusion
I’d told the story once of how I was too blind to see that the people I’d called my friends in high school weren’t really my friends in any sense of the word, and how it took my sister talking to me to open up my eyes and let me see what I had been living in so much self-denial about. Well, from then I left, tried to become my own person, meet other people and observe.
I was in my final year of high school and since there was compulsory boarding for that class, I moved into the dormitory and had to witness all sorts of characters and personalities. It was so easy to see how important belonging was to people.
As humans, no matter how independent we think we are, we all want at least one person that can point at us and be like. “This is my person.” We strive to find that sense of belonging somewhere, anywhere, and this is what pushes a lot of us to blindly believe that we belong with someone or a group of people because of the crumbs of attention they throw at our plate.
I was laying on my bed, reading a book. The plot of the book suddenly developed an unexpected twist and I dropped it to calm my raging emotions. Then, I noticed Miriam laying on her bed. I’ll tell you something about my corner of the room before I continue I was one of the few people that slept in mosquito nets. Many people thought it was a discomfort but I liked cause it gave me two things, freedom from malaria and the power to observe people unnoticed. The latter was handy in this case.
Miriam’s bed was opposite mine and she was putting her clothes together and basically doing a lot of stuff. Then, one of the girls sitting with her own group of friends on the adjacent bed said, “Hey Miriam, go charge my lamp for me.” No please. Nothing at all. And, Miriam went and collected the lamp meekly and moved to the charging area to charge it. I’m pretty sure I had that look on my face that said, “What the heck did I just see?”
But, I kept quiet. And decided to observe her more. When she got back, these girls sent her on multiple other errands and I was aghast. We were all in the same class. Why were they doing this? And more importantly, why was she letting them? Truth is, Miriam was one of my childhood friends but we’d grown up and somehow drifted apart but it didn’t mean I no longer cared about her so seeing that made me more than mad.
I began to understand how it felt for my sister to see me like that, even though I knew my situation wasn’t this bad. I noticed that she genuinely wanted to be friends with them but it was just what work can I give her with them. Days went and it kept going on. Then one day, I watched as Miriam was told by one of the girls to make her bed for her cause she was too lazy to do it herself and I just snapped. I called Miriam into my trusty net and sat her down.
“How’re you doing Miriam?”
“I’m fine, Tess.”
“I heard you talk about all the chores you needed to finish. Are you done with them?”
“No, they’re quite a lot but I need to do some things for someone.” There was this bleak, bitter tone to her voice that just tore at me. But I realized that I had to talk to her with wisdom. During that time, one misplaced word could open up a world of trouble so I knew I had to avoid naming names.
“You’re a wonderful person, you know that right? It’s not wrong to say no sometimes. It’s not wrong to demand courtesy or politeness. It’s not wrong to take a stand against something you don’t like. You don’t have to displease yourself so badly to belong or to fit in. You are amazing and those that see it would love you for it.”
I don’t remember exactly the other things I said but they were along these lines. But I remember using my eyes to beg her to see the things I couldn’t say. To read between the lines. And I remember that afterwards, she gave me a warm hug that told me she understood me.
It was a beautiful experience watching Miriam take a stand for herself from that time onwards. It was liberating to know that in the same way my sister had freed me, I’d freed my friend. Yeah, we reconnected from that time and she still is one of the major people in my life.
You can’t say you truly belong when you can’t be yourself or when you constantly feel sad in that environment. Belonging is peace and truth and happiness.
Jhymi🖤
My entry to The Inkwell Nonfiction Prompt.
You went to boarding school?
Many of us have found ourselves in such a position. Even me. And if I’m like this now, it’s because like Miriam, I was taught to say no. To be selfish and to have standards. If you give some people an inch, they go miles. And what’s worse. Is that she’ll be a subject of discussion
Yeah, I did. I don't look like boarding school material?😂
That's how it is in schools. You'll think that by doing their bidding they would like you, but they'll still laugh at you constantly at the back. There are no wins in that thing.
I believe setting standards for yourself and learning to say no is the only way to be appreciated.
True that. Hey again from Dreemport!
#Dreemerforlife
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This was a sensitive recounting of an insensitive series of events, and a well-written response to the prompt. The sense of belonging that people crave is an underlying human need and revolves around seeking and finding joy, comfort, and acceptance in the people with whom we choose to associate. It is clear that Miriam was unable to find these qualities within the small dorm group, and that she was just being used and manipulated by the girls. It's wonderful that you were able to reach out to her and help her to value herself more and see through the disingenuous actions of her peers, and in so doing, you extended a hand of friendship and offered an alternative space for her to belong. In this #CNF you used elements of fiction to good effect to keep the reader engaged and satisfied throughout.
That's exactly it. I'm glad you loved the story. Recounting sensitive events like this could lead to a stretch in your emotions but I got well just fine. Thanks for the opportunity.🌺
You are such a good friend and very considerate. There are too many people who would turn a blind eye to things like that, but it's so important to do something, especially in this way, without confrontation.
In the world these days, it's kind of tough, everyone feels like they need to belong, so they cling to whatever they can in order to be apart of the crowd. But, it's kind of unhealthy. Having a few close friends is way better than being apart of a crowd.
It's kind of cool thinking about football teams for example, when two fans of a team meet eachother, they have an instant talking point, however they may not have much more than that in common. It's the same as music scenes in a way.
Having a few close friends that you can trust and know they will always have your back is way better. Even if said friends are not more than two.
Yeah. I understand the football analogy. it's like "I know nothing about you or your personality may not even agree with me but we agree on this and that's what matters."
It takes courage to lead other people into being courageous. It's quite the task.
The craving of inclusion is a plague in our human nature, and it's most apparent in young ages, the delicate times. Being a people pleaser is what it turns one to. That is, "being willing to displease oneself simply for the approval or pleasure of another, just so they like you." It's never anything beyond detrimental.
I'm glad you lead her to liberation. I applaud the tact approach in handling it. It could have gone south so quickly with the wrong move.
People pleaser, that's the name for it. Constantly trying to please people with the hope that they would like you. It never works.
It was giving minion, you know but not the good one. Lol
Ohhh yeah tell me about it😂
In any situation I find myself I hate being a minion to anybody.
Once I notice you are taking my niceness for granted, I shift.
That's right. It's not good to be a minion. Hehe.
Thanks for taking the time to be here dear.🌺
Yes it isn't.
Always a pleasure my baby🥰🥰
Really? How can they do that to her because she wanted to be friends with them.
This is the main reason why I don't like friends right from when I was in school because I can't deal with such people.
Am glad you talked some sense into her and am glad she opened her eyes too.
#dreemerforlife
That's how it is. People take advantage of our feelings to manipulate us or make us feel less of ourselves.
I'm glad she opened her eyes as well and got better for it.
Thanks for stopping by dear.🤗
It's so pathetic how that some people live within a circle where they are not really fit yet they feel guilty to leave because they think they can still make things work.
Many of us are like Miriam, some friends think we are just their toy, they need us only when they are in need. True friendship is a do me, I do you thing, if it crosses an inch outside that, something is wrong somewhere. It's really high time we check those whom we call friends, are they only using us or they really want us to grow together?
It's high time we learn to honor our dignity too, it's time we learn to respect our feelings as well, we don't need to please others at the detriment of ourselves, that's not friendship it's suicide.
#dreemerforlife #dreemport
The desire of many people to belong to a group makes them do anything, including giving up their dignity, peace and freedom. An experience that leaves many lessons.
Thanks for sharing.
Good day.
I don't understand why people try to be so good in front of others. To be honest I don't like that kind of personality even if they are good. I love the personality that acts naturally and says no to others when it's necessary. Otherwise, others will try to dominate them.
Seniors in boarding school mostly tend to bully juniors until you stand up for yourself. I’m glad you’d good up for your friend as your sister did for you.
#dreemerforlife #gosh #teamflash
I really don't see the point in using one's fellow classmates as slaves in the name of friendship and sadly, it happens a lot and it's sad.
True, it does happen a lot.
It's good to recognize it though and act on it while you can.
Thanks for stopping by.
You're welcome.
Woah I really love this, it's good that you helped Miriam, some people just need to be encouraged to take a step. I love how you helped her through this. I really enjoyed your story. 🦋🥰
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. Means a whole lot. Hope you're having a good day.🌺
Your just a sweet soul..and I learn alot from this experience. Also thank you🦋🥰
Congratulations, @jhymi!
Your story has been selected as one of the best of the week and is part of the magazine's 115th featured author.
https://peakd.com/hive-170798/@theinkwell/the-ink-well-highlights-magazine-115
Thank you very much for your efforts. We enjoy the development of your work. Keep writing!
Thank you so much for the honour. I appreciate it and will strive to keep writing better.🤗